Something Unexpected
by Trojan'12
Summary: A few years after Hogwarts, and after a night of drunken rendezvous, James and Lily have a fling. Four weeks later, she finds out she’s pregnant with Potter’s spawn. Drama and hilarity ensue. Maybe they can find love out of their unexpected situation?R
1. Chapter 1

**JKR Owns.**

**Something Unexpected**

**Chapter One: Break Ups**

**---**

**[AN]** This is a new experiment for me. I'm known for my angst and dramatic plots, but this fic is relatively light-hearted. This is my version of Lily and James, doing everything backwards and falling in love during the process. That isn't to say that there won't be the fair share of ups and downs for the couple, though. The fic _does_ have a purpose. It's not just some silly attempt at a comedy…

A few things to keep in mind while reading:

-Tonks is only a year behind the Marauders and Lily in this story.

-Tonks also hasn't found her calling to be an auror yet.

-Lily, the Marauders, and the rest of the primary characters are around 21.

-Besides casual run-ins with other friends, James and Lily haven't talked since leaving Hogwarts.

-And lastly, I'm going to abuse Peter in this fic as much as possible.

Sweet. That's all. Enjoy!

---

Pounding and crashing noises could be heard from outside their flat door. Tonks and Alice shared a curious look.

"What the hell?" Tonks asked.

Alice sighed, "It must be Lily…"

Tonks reached inside one of her large shopping bags and extracted a thick belt the two girls had bought earlier whilst shopping in Diagon Alley. Alice gave her a peculiar look as Tonks raised it above her head in a threatening manner, "Just in case it's a burglar."

Alice shook her head, wondering for a brief second why she hadn't just pulled out her wand. She reached for the door and pushed it open all the way so the two of them could have a clear view of the flat.

"Lily?"

In response, they heard several thumping noises as if something just fell from a high shelf.

"Lily?" they asked again, stepping further into the flat and inching their way toward where the noise was coming from.

"Look, you better be tall with red hair or we are going to straight up kung fu your ass into the next century!" Tonks warned outside the door of Lily's bedroom. The noise continued and it sounded like there was also a ruffling sound inside too.

Alice and Tonks shared a look as Alice withdrew her wand from her purse. Tonks started to reach forward slowly to open the door when it swung open.

The two girls screamed, and Tonks threw herself behind Alice.

"What are you doing?" asked a very irate Lily Evans in an furious voice.

"What are _you _doing?" Alice and Tonks asked together.

"Were you about to attack me with a bloody _belt_?" Lily questioned, gesturing to the shiny belt laying limply in Tonks's hand.

"No… I was uh, about to try it on…" she covered quickly, stuffing the belt back into one of the bags.

"Lily, what the hell's going on in here?" Alice asked this time, peering into her thrashed room. There were upturned boxes and picture frames littered on the floor, along with stuffed animals, letters, and various articles of clothing.

"The bastard broke up with me!" Lily exclaimed.

Looks of utter shock came over Alice and Tonks's face. They didn't need Lily to elaborate on who this bastard was.

"What?!"

"Yeah, I know!"

"Wait, so _he_ broke up with _you_?" Tonks asked slowly, making sure she was hearing things correctly.

"Mhmm," Lily sounded with a look of annoyance on her face.

"You don't seem too sad..." Alice said, trying to keep a straight face.

Lily scoffed, "Hell no! I'm pissed! Remember the last boy who broke up with me?"

"Wasn't that in first year- and you gave the bloke a bloody nose for it," Alice answered, nodding.

"Exactly, I don't handle people breaking up with me well," she said with a heated sigh, turning and waddling through the mess on her floor to sit on her bed.

"Well I can see why that kid did it- you were a pretty controlling little girl. Actually, you were quite a bitch really…"

"Oh, thanks for the support asshole," Lily replied to Tonks sarcastically.

Tonks shrugged innocently while Alice continued, "So what are you going to do with all his stuff?" she asked, looking around to all the things he gave her throughout their relationship. "Are you going to give him his clothes back?"

"Uh, no I was planning on burning all of it," she said simply.

"Ooh, we can make smores!" Tonks said, clapping her hands together excitedly.

Alice nudged Tonks in the ribs before, dropping her bags and going to sit next to Lily, "Lils, are you really okay?"

Lily shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I was just so hopeful for the relationship to work out, that I kind of lost sight of reason."

"How'd he do it?" Tonks asked, coming to sit on the other side of Lily.

The red head rolled her eyes, "He gave me some bullshit about us reaching different crossroads in our lives. I mean, who does that?"

"Well, he is an actor so his break up probably came out so poetic and elegant for a reason…" Alice said with a knowing look.

Tonks nodded, "Yeah, we all know how much he likes to practice in front of mirrors."

"Oh god- do you think he's been wanting this for a while?" Lily asked miserably, as if the thought that someone was unhappy with her was the most depressing thing in the world.

Alice and Tonks shared a look, "No."

"What's so wrong about me?" she continued, staring off into space.

"Nothing love, you're so beautiful and smart and…" Alice shook her head absently while trying to think of another word, "tender." Tonks gave her an unconvinced look, but she ignored it.

"Exactly- so what the hell's wrong with him?!"

"Maybe he's gay," Tonks offered.

Lily tilted her head to the side, "You think?"

Alice nodded guiltily, "We've always had our suspicions."

Lily groaned, "You're telling me I've been dating an actor acting like a straight guy but really a penis-loving bender, for the past year and a half?"

"We don't think any less of you for it," Tonks assured her, patting her back in a comforting manner.

"I have an idea," Alice started brightly, hoping to vanquish Lily's mood, "How about we order some pizza and have a nice girls night in, yeah?"

"Fuck that, I'm going out!" Lily exclaimed, hoping off her bed and heading for the bathroom to shower.

Tonks turned back to Alice with a smile, "Or we could go out and watch Lily leave all inhibitions behind and get completely wasted!"

"We should tidy up the house and make sure there's nothing valuable that she could vomit on when we get home."

Tonks got an excited look, "Do you think we can convince her to wear those red leather pants?"

"Uh… I don't know. That might be pushing the limits a bit."

"Yeah, you're right," Tonks sighed.

"Plus, she looks like a fire hydrant when she wears those."

"Yeah, but it's hilarious to look at."

Alice nodded in agreement and then said, "Do you ever notice that Lily could dress like a drag queen and would still have guy's coming up to her?"

"I know- the lucky bitch."

"I think I'll floo Frankie and tell him we're going out. He'll probably meet us at the club."

"At least we know one thing," Tonks said in a sing song voice, with a mischievous grin.

"What's that?"

"This bed's going to see some hot hate sex tonight!"

…

As Lily was taking off her clothes to get in the shower, she caught a glimpse of a photo. The tall sandy haired man in the picture was grinning and blowing kisses at her.

Jason Turner. The man who she had thought would be the one who she would spend the rest of her life with. He was everything a girl really would look for in a bloke. Loving, sweet, emotional…

Pretty much the opposite of what type of man Lily usually dated. Really, when she thought about it- he was very in touch with his feminine side. Lily probably had more muscle than him and he definitely had good taste in fashion.

"Bloody hell, he probably was gay…"

Lily continued to stare despondently at the picture before she scowled and reached for it angrily.

She ripped it in half and then in fourths, even going as far to rip it into little sixteenths. Then, she lifted the toilet lid up and threw the little squares in furiously, grinning manically as she pushed the lever to make them flush down the toilet.

Vowing to herself that she wouldn't stress over Jason Turner any more, she stepped into the shower and theorized what she might wear tonight that would give off the vibe that she was free, and sex-starved.

…

"Hey James, watch me chug this alcohol!" said a podgy boy named Peter.

The handsome bloke with jet black hair and ocean blue eyes sitting next to him turned down the volume of the wireless and turned to look at his fellow marauder.

After Peter saw that he had James's attention, he lifted the large bottle to his lips and started gulping it down in large swallows.

James grimaced as the drink started to river out of the corners of his mouth and leak down his chin, dripping onto his shirt.

"Bloody hell Pete," James said trying to keep from laughing, "That's only the margarita _mix_. There's no alcohol in that."

Peter tore the bottle from his lips with a smacking noise, "What?"

James laughed, "Sorry little buddy, but there's no alcohol in that."

"Are you sure?"

"Pete, you were actually able to chug it. It should have occurred immediately to you that there was no alcohol in it."

Peter started to nod in agreement before he scrunched his face up as if realizing that he was just insulted, "Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"

"That you have zero tolerance for alcoholic beverages," James replied flatly, turning the volume of the wireless up again.

"I do too!" Peter returned childishly.

"Remember that time in Hogsmeade? We gave you one shot of firewhiskey and you were almost arrested for trying to sexually assault Rosie's cat."

Peter frowned, "That was different- I was having a bad day."

"So you took it out on Mr. Binkie?"

Peter took on a look like Bambi wounded in the forest, "I-I-"

"Prongs, I'm home," called out a voice from the front door.

"Hey mate, how'd it go? Did you seal the deal or what?" James asked, turning to see Sirius approaching with a gloomy look.

Sirius grabbed a beer from the fridge and came over with a disheartened look, "Everything was going good with Monica-"

"What'd her boobies feel like?" Peter wheezed with keen interest the second Sirius's bum touched the couch.

Sirius froze from raising his beer to his mouth and James just stared at him in pure repugnance, "Honestly Pete…"

James turned back to Sirius and motioned for him to continue.

"Anyway-"

"Did they taste like skittles?" he asked, practically foaming at the mouth.

"Wormtail, shut _the fuck _up."

"Really, stop working yourself up pal," James said more gently, giving him a pitying look. He couldn't really be blamed though- the last girl that showed _some_ interest in him was around eight months ago.

James's attention reverted back to Sirius when he let out a sigh, "She had one of those toes…"

James rolled his eyes and moaned sarcastically, "Oh no! You're telling Monica has also been affected by the big toe curse?"

"Don't mock me dude," Sirius said defensively, taking a deep swig of his lager.

"Have you been picking up chicks from the deformity hospital again?" James continued to tease. Sometimes, the standards Sirius required for girls were a little ridiculous. His obsession with slightly larger second toes was only one example.

"Those girls need loving too!" Peter shouted.

Both James and Sirius turned to stare at Peter rigidly with questioning looks reflecting off their faces. Peter took a few breaths before turning his wide, vulnerable eyes away from his two dark haired friends.

James let out an uneasy laugh, trying to clear the tension, "Easy compadre. No need to defend the only type of girls who will ever give you a chance."

"It's not about that… they have some very good qualities about them too. Usually… Sometimes…"

"Anyway," James started, not wanting Peter to elaborate on his escapades with certain handicapped females, "So she had on of those toes?"

"Yes, she had _the _toe, and it was large and in charge."

"Mate, your pathetic! Monica was gorgeous," laughed James.

"Prongs, you _know _my phobia with big middle toes."

"And I think it's completely ridiculous," he continued to chortle when there was a faint popping outside of their flat door. A second later, Remus Lupin was shuffling through the door.

"What's up mates?" he asked, heading for the kitchen.

"Padfoot turned down another girl because of her abnormally large middle toe," James said with a grin.

"Monica? Sirius, what's wrong with you? Can't you just block the image out?"

"I can't help it…" Sirius sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes, "Damn, she had such a nice body too…"

James nodded unsympathetically, "You should feel bad about letting that one go. I mean, toes place very low on the significant body parts list. Of all things to let her go over…"

"How far did you get with her? Second or third base?" Peter practically squeaked.

Again, Sirius, James, and now Remus turned to look at Peter crunched down on the couch with a mix between questioning, and partially disgusted looks.

Remus cleared his throat, "Pete, when's the last time you hooked up with a girl?"

"New Year's…" he mumbled, looking down to his lap.

Since it was November, incredulous looks came over Remus and James's face.

Sirius, however, laughed, "Wormtail, that chick kissed you on accident!"

Peter mumbled something else and his cheeks blushed red.

"Okay," Remus said lowly, "When's the last time you wanked?"

"Fifteen minutes ago."

While James and Sirius started laughing hysterically, Remus shook his head in astonishment.

"You know what- I can't take this anymore," Remus muttered, "Tonight, we're going out and we're going to get Wormtail some girls."

"I like that. Plus, I need to mourn my loss of Monica," Sirius agreed, finishing off his beer.

James grinned, "By tapping some other girl's ass?"

"Yep!" Sirius exclaimed, taking off for the bathroom to shower.

James could only laugh after his childhood friend. Sometimes, his antics were overbearing, but who was James kidding? He like being a part of that lifestyle too. Just not as wholeheartedly as his best mate did. Though, thinking rationally, one more night of reckless sex wasn't going to hurt him. He was young- only 21. It's not like he needed to start settling down anytime soon...

---

**First chapter down! Next time, the Marauders just happen to fall upon the club that Alice, Tonks, and Lily are letting loose in. Sparks could fly, or shit could hit the fan. **

**Please, kindly leave a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**JKR Owns.**

**Something Unexpected**

**Chapter Two: Letting Loose**

---

"Someone get the door," Lily announced after three knocks sounded throughout the flat.

"Oh, I'll get it. It's probably Frankie," Alice said happily jogging up to the front door and throwing it open.

"Hey babe," Frankie greeted with a smile.

"Frankie-boo," Alice cooed, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him thoroughly.

"Oi! Cut it out in there!" Tonks shouted a few moments later when the couple started emitting moans.

"Hey Lily," Frankie said, following Alice into the kitchen with lip gloss smeared all over his goofy smile, "I heard about Jason, so I got you this." He handed her a large gift basket with a pink ribbon around the top. Inside were a few bathing accessories like scented soaps and bubble bath products.

"Oh, uh-- a gift basket! Wow, thanks Frank…" she said politely, taking the basket from him and staring down at it with a courteous smile plastered on her face.

"Oh, no problem. I just wanted to do a good deed, you know. Show you that I care," he said, wrapping an arm around Alice who was beaming at him.

"You know, this actually looks pretty identical to the free gift baskets they're giving away down in the lobby," Tonks said in an bored tone, gesturing with her eyes to an identical basket sitting on the kitchen table.

"Oh yeah, they look uh, a little similar," he replied meagerly, trying to come off as cogent.

"Well hey! One can never have too many loofas, right! I probably go through three a month…" Alice said enthusiastically. However, Lily remained holding the basket with a an awkward smile.

Frank sighed disappointedly, "I'm sorry Lily. I-I feel ashamed…"

"Oh, no Frankie. It was a very sweet gesture," she assured him kindly while Tonks fought the urge to laugh.

"Yes love, it was very thoughtful of you," Alice also encouraged with a bright grin.

"Thanks babe. I wanted to impress you…"

"Why? Lily was the one that got dumped," Tonks informed him, clearly amused with Frank's discomfort.

However, the comment went unheard by Alice as she again beamed at him adoringly, "Aww, Frankie!"

"I love you so much," he whispered poignantly, staring her straight in the eyes.

"I love you too," she replied earnestly, wasting no time in leaning in and again attempting to suck Frankie's face off.

Tonks turned to Lily, "We either break them up now or go get them a condom."

Lily sighed, "Alright, enough you two! Frank I'll call your mother, I swear!"

---

Lily and Tonks surpassed the line of Wingardium night club, getting cat calls from possible male suitors still in the line.

"Hey Rafi," Tonks greeted the tall, dark and chiselled bouncer standing outside the club entrance.

"Tonks, how you doin' girl?" he said in a deep Welsh accent, grinning down at her with. Several of the other patrons in the line groaned at the exchange.

"Alright. Lily just got dumped by her gay boyfriend."

Lily rolled her eyes and mouthed an insincere thank you to Tonks.

"Is that true?" Rafi asked Lily in a semi-mock outrage.

Lily nodded, giving him small smile.

"What a bloody idiot," Rafi muttered, "Chucking a hot piece of ass like you."

"Thanks Raf," Lily laughed, "You want to let us in now? I need to start my freedom binge."

"Of course," he said cordially, giving her a wink, "And you know what, free drinks for you tonight!"

Lily grinned at him as he lifted the rope, while the others in the line started moaning complaints.

He lifted his wand and sent his patronus in to the bartender so he would know about Lily, and then admitted Tonks, Alice, and Frank.

"Hi Alice," he said as she walked by wrapped around Frankie's arm, giving her a flirtatious grin.

"Hey mate," Frank replied for them, offering the bouncer a polite smile.

Rafi glared at Frank, causing him to mumble something unintelligible and hurry Alice and himself in after Tonks and Lily.

After all four of the friends were inside the club, another group bypassed the line and approached Rafi.

"Hey mate, how's it going?" James asked Rafi, reaching his hand out for Rafi to shake.

"Good. How you boys doing tonight?" he asked, looking back to Remus, Sirius and Peter. He noticed with a smirk that James, Remus, and Sirius were all dressed attractively in fitting dark jeans and casual shirts while Peter looked like a train wreck with his blonde hair parted down the middle, wearing a short sleeve green polo and khaki shorts.

"So-so," Sirius replied cavalierly, "How's the women load tonight?" He turned around and winked to some of the waiting girls in line.

"Brilliant. I just let in a few 10's," he returned, jerking his head towards the door of the club and then smirking directly at James.

James furrowed his brows in confusion while Sirius continued, "We're trying to get Peter laid tonight since it hasn't happen since that fat Polish woman when we were 18."

"You're pathetic man," Rafi laughed watching Peter squirm.

"Um, thanks."

"You're not welcome," Rafi said, suddenly his character unsmiling as he lifted the rope.

"Oh," he squeaked, following behind Remus, James, and Sirius as they walked past him and into the club.

---

"Here are your drinks," said a waitress, coming up to Lily, Tonks, Alice, and Frank at a table near the dance floor.

"Thanks," Frank told her as the drinks floating by the waitress's shoulder descended down to sit on the table, mostly settling in front of the girls.

"To Lily's freedom from the big gay actor!" Tonks toasted, holding her glass up.

"Cheers to that," the red head muttered, knocking her shot of fire whiskey back like it was water.

"Have you spotted any blokes yet?" Tonks asked, following Lily's gaze out into the crowd of dancing bodies.

"Like eight," she replied causing the rest of the group to laugh.

"Well get out there Tiger," Tonks said, pushing Lily out into the crowd.

As fate would have it, Lily was pushed straight into the back of a tall blonde haired bloke. He turned around with a scowl on his face, but immediately he turned it into a cocky grin when he realized who was standing an inch away from him.

"Hi."

"Um, hi," Lily responded, fixing her loose navy camisole.

"My name's Noah," he said, holding his hand out.

"Lily. Nice to meet you."

Tonks smirked, watching the interaction between the blonde and her best mate.

"Make good choices!" Tonks screamed after them as the guy grabbed Lily's hand and dragged her off onto the dance floor.

---

"Hey, can I introduce you to my friend?" Sirius asked to a passing sandy haired girl in a tight fitting red dress.

The girl turned to look at Peter, "Ew."

"Don't worry Wormtail, Aunt Flow's probably in town," Sirius said as the girl walked away with her friends.

"My Aunt Flo?" he asked with wide eyes. Florence Pettigrew was quite a cantankerous old woman…

Remus shook his head pitifully.

Peter looked at them pathetically, "Do you think I shouldn't have worn shorts?"

"I don't think you should have worn anything you're wearing, mate," Sirius said honestly, eyeing his friend up and down. "No one's gotten ass in khaki pants since fucking women's liberation. From now on, you don't leave the house without our okay, alright?"

Peter sighed and nodded.

"Round of beers," James said walking up to the table with four beers floating in front of him and a girl tucked under his arm. "Any luck so far?"

"It's still early," Sirius said with a moment of hesitation.

James cracked the beer open and looked at Peter, "Pete, you shouldn't have worn shorts to a bloody night club."

Peter mentally scolded himself and a disappointed look came over his face.

"Baby, do you want to dance?" the girl next to James asked as he lifted a beer to his lips.

"Maybe in a minute. Hey, did you say you had some friends with you?" James waited for the girl to nod and then spoke again, "Go get them so we can introduce them to Pete."

The girl looked back at Peter who smiled awkwardly at her.

"Um, okay…"

"Great."

"Nice catch," Remus complimented.

James shrugged, "She'll do for tonight."

"Hey," Sirius said to a girl heading in the direction of the loo, "Don't you want to dance with this hunk?" he asked, pointing at Peter while wiggling his eyebrows. He did his best to try and come off as convincing, but wouldn't hesitate to try the pick up for himself next time if she happened to refuse.

The girl cringed, but smiled feebly trying to remain polite, "Uh, come get me in like, twenty minutes. I'll probably be wasted by then…"

"O-kay," Peter squeaked, almost ready to hyperventilate since the brunette girl was actually quite pretty.

Sirius stared at her bum with a grin on his face as she turned and left.

---

So far, the night was going according to plan.

Lily was successfully maneuvering her way through the crowd, dancing from hot bloke to hot bloke and taking advantage of the floating collection of shots hovering above the dancing mass.

"That's her twelfth one," said Alice over the loud music, watching Lily throw her head back and then throw the shot glass up in the air, where it promptly vanished. Magic was truly useful, especially when it came to letting yourself go crazy.

"Yeah, she probably needs a few more, too."

"Tonks!"

"What?" Tonks asked innocently, "I'm just saying she needs it. Before tonight, I don't think she's had firewhiskey in like, six months!"

"Alcohol is not the answer to getting over someone," Frank said wisely, discretely turning his gaze to Alice to see if she approved. His girlfriend beamed adoringly at him and leaned in to place a tender kiss on his lips.

Tonks smirked, "Hey Al, can you get your bitch to fetch me another martini?"

Alice reached over to slap her shoulder and Frank took the opportunity to stick his tongue out at her.

Tonks gave Frank a look of mock indignation and then stood up, "Fine. I'll go get my own drink. Want anything Alice? Or how about your girlfriend?"

"Be nice _Nymphodora_," warned Alice threateningly.

"I'll take that as a no. You have fun painting each other's toe nails, okay?"

"Baby, do you want to dance? I know how you like to dance…"

Alice nodded giving Frank an affectionate smile before grabbing his hand and leading him past Tonks towards the dance floor.

Frank shot a winning look over his shoulder, meant for Tonks, but instead saw her imitating a whipping motion.

She smirked at him victoriously while he frowned and allowed his girlfriend to pull him further into the sea of people.

…

Remus was taking another drink of his beer when he caught sight of a bleach blonde head with bright purple streaks moving towards the bar.

He grinned to himself and turned to Sirius, "Hey, I'll back in a little bit."

"Where you goin'?" he asked playfully.

"Stop insinuating, you prat," Remus replied, setting his beer down and taking off for the staircase that led down to the lower level of the club.

Grinning, he lifted up his hand and poked the crazy haired woman who had just taken up a spot at the bar in the back.

"What the- Remus!" Tonks shouted, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Hey Dora," he replied charmingly, knowing what type of effect that name would have on the girl.

Sure enough, Tonks's cheeks started to tinge a light pink.

"So, what are you doing here?"

"Trying to get Pete laid," Remus answered dolefully.

Tonks tried not to laugh, "Uh, good luck with that…"

Remus nodded, "I know. Who are you here with?"

"Alice, Frank, and Lily. You want a drink?" she asked quickly with a smirk, knowing what he really wanted to know.

Remus smiled affectionately, "I'll have what you're having."

Tonks grinned mischievously, "Give us two fuzzy navels."

The bartender nodded while Remus groaned, "Thanks for getting us the girliest drinks on the menu."

"No problem."

The man again looked at her fondly, "So you're not here with a boyfriend?"

"Don't have a boyfriend Remy. You know that."

"Ah, of course…"

"I mean I could," Tonks said probingly, "But the bloke who's interested in me thinks he knows what's best for the whole bloody world. What a dumb selfish prat, yeah?" She asked, turning back to him with an innocent inquisitive look.

Remus tried to cover his eye roll, "I'm sure the bloke knows what he's doing."

Tonks narrowed her eyes and shrugged, "Doubt it."

"Do you want to dance?" he asked as the bartender set the two drinks in front of them. He had a habit of ignoring Tonks's probes to try and talk about the decision he'd made to not formally date her, but he couldn't fight the pull to go up to her whenever he happened to see her. It was sort of a catch 22; he didn't like tempting himself like this, but he couldn't say no sometimes. And to this point, she hadn't majorly objected to his behavior.

"No," she answered, "Is my cousin with you tonight?"

"Yes. He's up at the table."

"I'm going to go say hi."

"I'll go with you," he responded in slight frustration, but still following Tonks through the crowd by the bar and up the steps of the spiral stairs.

---

"What about the girl in the purple dress?" Peter asked, looking over the railing into the crowd of bodies.

Sirius and James shook their head simultaneously, "She's a lesbian."

"How do you know?"

"The signs are clear," Sirius started, taking a drink of his beer.

James nodded and continued, "Look; short hair and chiseled arms. And then look at her ass- straight women don't usually have buns of steel."

Peter looked down towards her bum and saw the clear outline of a perfectly symmetrical, muscled ass.

"Plus, she's snogging another girl."

Peter reverted his eyes up and sure enough, the woman was kissing a short Asian girl in a black dress.

He sighed, "This is impossible."

"Most likely, but we'll keep our hopes up, right?" Sirius asked with an amused smirk.

Peter nodded dully and continued his search throughout the lower level. A red head approaching a table near the dance floor caught his eye.

"What about her?" he asked pointing her out.

Sirius nodded in approval, "Yeah, she's hot, but way out of your leag- oh bloody fucking hell!"

"What?" Peter and James asked in confusion.

"Prongs, that's Evans!"

James' jaw dropped as he caught a proper look of the red head.

Sure enough, Lily Evans- woman of his fantasies- was standing down there, dressed in a navy silk camisole and tight black pants.

Bloody hell- she was truly the sexiest, most exotic thing he'd ever seen, and he had thought that since the moment he saw her… when they were eleven. They had lost touch after they left Hogwarts, but that was primarily due to the fact that Evans had made it abundantly clear that her stance on dating him hadn't wavered. He'd accepted defeat on that front, but that didn't change his view of her. She was still the girl of his dreams. If only she didn't hate him…

His eyes followed her automatically as she started moving towards the bar.

"Damn, Evans is _so_ sexy…" Sirius whistled lowly, obviously trying to piss James off.

James glared at him and then looked back for Lily.

Sirius laughed, "Are you going to foam at the mouth like an animal infected with rabies or are you going to live up to your penis and go talk to her?"

He didn't know what possessed him to do it, but somehow, James nodded and took the last swig of his beer. Setting it down, he turned-

"Hey baby!"

James jerked back in surprise as the girl from earlier stood in front of him with two grinning slags behind her.

"Oh hey," he replied before trying to move past her.

"Baby, where are you going? I brought my friends back like you asked!"

"Um, I just found out that I have the dragon pox so… you probably don't want to hang around me…" he tried lamely, again attempting to move past her.

"Oh, no it's fine! I've already had them so I can't catch them again!"

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair in irritation, "Uh, did I mention I have spina bifida too?"

"What's that?"

"It's very contagious, ask my friend. He's a doctor," he said pointing to Peter. At least, it might earn him some rep points from the ladies and allow James to make a run for it. For all he knew, Lily could have disappeared by now.

"Isn't that a protein shake?" Peter asked weakly, sweat pouring from his forehead due to all the girls looking at him.

James slapped a hand to his temple while Sirius went hysteric.

"Oh well, do you need help home?" the girl asked again, touching James's arm.

"Uh, no thanks Anna."

"It's Angie."

"That's what you think," he said, finally having enough of the girl and moving past her to the stairs.

---

**Next time, Lily and James get acquainted. Big time.**

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	3. Chapter 3

**JKR Owns.**

**Something Unexpected**

**Chapter Three: James and Lily; Drunk Love at First Sight**

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James could feel the nerves suffocating him as he got closer and closer to the girl he'd fancied since he was eleven.

Finally, he found a spot next to her in the cue to get drinks.

After a few seconds of awkward lip biting and eye roaming, he turned to look Lily in her gorgeous emerald eyes.

"Nice to see a friendly face." _God, stupid- that was such a stupid line…_

Lily looked at him fully and rolled her eyes, "We were never friends, Potter."

James smiled in relief, "So you remember me?"

"How could I not? You're the most infuriating person on the planet."

"I was hoping you would have forgotten about that part," he said jokingly.

Lily raised her eyebrows at him but didn't respond.

"So um, you getting a drink?" he asked feebly.

This was always how it happened with Evans. He was usually so suave around girls but when in the presence of Lily Evans, he felt like a mouse next to a lion. His game was completely off, and it was frustrating him thoroughly.

"That's probably a good reason why I'm standing at the _bar_, Potter."

"Yeah, you're right." The bartender then came over and set Lily's drink in front of her. James took the opportunity to make a good impression on her by reaching in his pocket and pulling out a few sickles.

"Here, let me."

"No, It's alright. I'm getting free drinks tonight anyway."

James smiled at her, "Probably because you're so beautiful."

Lily was about to turn and leave but spun back around and gave James a pathetic look.

James bit his lip, _Normal girls would eat that shit up- fucking hell, Lily Evans is like a block of ice!_

Lily then let out a laugh and started walking away. James closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair.

"So are you going to follow me back to my table or what?" he looked up and found Lily a few feet away, staring at him expectantly.

"Uh…" James started spluttering while Lily let out another laugh.

"Come on puppy," she cooed wiggling her finger at him.

James gulped, "Err, puppy- um, okay…"

As he was told, James followed her past layers of people and to the table he had seen her at earlier.

"So uh, how have you been?"

Lily shot James another cynical look that bordered on angry.

"You should have gotten a drink," she said instead, gesturing to all the empty cups around the table.

"Oh," James raised his hand to the shot glasses hovering in the air over the dancers and scrunched it into a fist. Immediately, a file of shot glasses flew to them and set themselves in front of them on the table.

Lily shook her head, "You were always good at that."

"You're admitting that I'm good at something?" James asked with a grin, "Other than being a jackass?"

"I always envied that you could do wandless magic. And somehow you always beat me in Transfiguration…" she answered wistfully, taking a shot glass.

"It was just a skill I was born with, sweetheart," he said with his cocky grin. At the look Lily gave him he quickly apologized for calling her sweetheart and took a shot for himself.

"So, I never took you for the type to come out and party without a reason," he said conversationally.

"Let's get something straight Potter- you never knew me. You might have stalked me from afar and barraged me with dating propositions whenever you could back in school, but you never knew _me _personally."

James let out a breath and drummed his fingers on the table. _Who was he kidding? Did he honestly expect her to be civil to him?_

"However, you're right. I usually don't come to clubs and drink this rigorously without a motive…"

James smiled, "So what's different this time?"

"My boyfriend broke up with me."

"Turner?" he asked, knowing the prick from back in school. About two years ago, he heard from their mutual friends that the wannabe actor and Lily had started dating.

"Yep."

"Well I can't say I'm sorry for that," James said jokingly.

To his luck, Lily laughed, "Yeah, me either. I didn't realize how much I changed when I was with him. I mean, it's only been a couple hours and I feel like I'm getting back to my old self."

James grin and handed her a shot glass, "Well cheers to that."

Lily smiled back and tink'ed her glass against his before knocking the glass back.

"Oh bloody hell," she snickered as James set his glass down a second after her.

"What?"

"Is that really how you take a shot, Potter?"

"What's wrong with the way I take my shots?" he asked, returning her playful banter.

"Oh nothing, except for the fact that my six year old cousin, Effy, takes a better shot than you," she said deviously with a small smirk.

"Okay, first of all- what is a six year old girl doing drinking alcohol? And secondly, this is my way to preserve myself and my liver."

"By drinking it like warm milk?"

"No, by drinking it more slowly. In the end, I guarantee you I can out drink you and remain more sober," he finished boldly winking at her.

Lily let out a sarcastic laugh, "Nah, I don't think so."

"Put your alcohol where your mouth is," he challenged, holding out a glass to her.

"After you," she responded, also holding up a glass for him.

"Ladies first."

"Exactly," she smirked, gesturing for him to drink.

"Ass," he muttered as he took the drink.

"Takes one to know one," she laughed as he drank.

---

**2 and a half minutes later…**

Lily and James both fell over on the table, laughing hysterically. There were several empty glasses littering the table.

"You're telling me that Turner would rather recite poetry with you then have a shag?"

Lily giggled harder and clapped a hand over her face, "Yeah… it was okay though because he had a itty bitty," Lily held up her pinkie finger and wiggled it for James.

James roared with laughter, "Lily… what kind of bloke- however miniscule his dick is- would rather read then have sex with _you_?"

Lily nodded, "I know! Am I that unappealing?"

"He's probably gay," James said seriously.

Lily looked at him, somewhat amazed that he could be thinking along the same lines as she, albeit their drunken state.

James saw the look and mistook it for her being offended.

"I only said that because a bloke would have to be that, or mental to not want to shag someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, looking him straight in the eye, wanting him to continue.

"I'm just saying like- on a scale of one to ten, you're a twenty."

"Twenty?"

"Borderline twenty one," he said holding his hand flat and shaking it.

Lily turned away with a small smile. She grabbed her drink from earlier and drank earnestly from it, preparing herself for what she was about to do.

A few moments passed where she didn't do anything but drink. James was about to apologize for making her uncomfortable when Lily suddenly turned and pressed her lips against his.

James' eyes shot open and his heart started pounding. When he realized that this was really happening and it wasn't some wild fantasy of his, he began to kiss back.

As he did, Lily pulled away and turned back to the table and her faithful drink.

"What was that?" James asked, breathing irregularly.

"What?" Lily returned innocently, sipping her drink

"Y-You just go around kissing guys whenever you please?"

Lily shrugged, "I just wanted to see where you ranked, is all."

James swallowed, "And where did I rank?"

"Decent," she said simply.

"Decent?" James questioned shockingly. Never before in his life had he been called something as insulting as _decent_.

"What, you think you deserve something better than that?" Lily teased.

James turned back to the table with a frown. Spotting a full glass, he grabbed it and drank it eagerly, hoping for some courage that he would dearly need.

Then, he spun back to Lily and gently grabbed both sides of her face. Quickly, he pulled her in again.

James wasted no time in opening his mouth over hers and delving his tongue inside. Lily made a noise in the back of her throat that encouraged him to continue.

She tasted like the sweetest firewhiskey and all he wanted to do was run his hands over the rest of her body, particularly her bum.

But then again, if he _did_ do that then he'd probably be going home missing a testicle.

---

Tonks, Remus, Sirius, and Peter had been catching up for about five minutes when Sirius casually looked over the railing. What he seen made him spit out his drink all over Peter.

"Come on, Sirius!" Peter whined, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.

"Fucking hell- James is kissing Evans!"

"What?!" Remus and Peter exclaimed looking over the railing and down to where James and Lily were sucking face.

Tonks too looked over but handled it in a more subdued manner, "You weren't there when she drank like eight shots of firewhiskey in a row…"

"She doesn't have to drink so she's more fun to be around," Remus said sensibly, assuming that was the reason.

Tonks snorted, "She's drinking so _everyone else _is more fun to be around."

"Why?" the boys asked together.

"Jason broke up with her today…"

"Jason Turner? The gay guy that works in the owl room of the Wizengamot?"

Tonks nodded and then added with a smirk, "He's an aspiring actor."

"He's an aspiring gay guy, that's what he is," Sirius replied automatically, "I don't understand why a straight guy would break up with Evans."

"Well at least it seems to be working out to James' advantage," Tonks returned offhandedly.

---

"That was brilliant and you know it," James said as they broke their heated snog.

"Um," Lily started spluttering and a blush rose to her cheeks.

James grinned triumphantly, "Repeat after me: James is a brilliant kisser."

"James is a brilliant kisser," she muttered begrudgingly.

"And I am allowed to snog him whenever I please for whatever reason," James continued nonchalantly.

This time, Lily only glared at him.

A few moments passed where they both stood there quietly; James drumming his fingers on the table and Lily staring out into the crowd.

The music changed, and a different song started blasting over the speakers.

James bit his lip and turned to Lily, "Um, do you-"

"Hey sweetheart," a blonde bloke said, coming up behind Lily and wrapping his arms around her.

Lily stiffened and James glared at the obnoxious wanker.

"Oh hey, um- Noah right?"

"That's right love, you wanna dance?" he asked smiling at her flirtatiously.

"Well, actually," Lily turned to James, "We were about to, so…"

"Yeah," James said derisively taking Lily's hand and pulling her out of reach of the blonde douche bag.

"Bye," Lily muttered to Noah before following James out to the dance floor.

"Who was that guy?" James asked when he found enough space to turn and look at her.

Lily smirked, "Jealous much?"

"He was feeling you up like he knew you," James continued stoically.

She shrugged, "He was just some guy I danced with."

James scratched his head nervously now that they didn't have anything to talk about.

Lily again smirked seemingly knowing what he was avoiding, "So can you dance or what?"

"Dancing is not my forte- but I can dry hump pretty well…"

"Well that's pretty much the whole point," Lily laughed, motioning around the dance floor where mostly all the couples were grinding into each other.

"Come on," she said gesturing for two more shot glasses to zoom over to her, "a shot for luck!"

"Cheers," he mumbled clunking the shot against hers and drinking it at once. At least if he was going to have to do this he could be drunk doing it.

---

**20 Minutes Later**

---

Peter sighed sorrowfully as he watched Sirius put a suggestive arm around Janie, the brunette girl from earlier who said she'd come back to talk to Peter if she was drunk enough to the point of delusional.

But, as luck would have it, the only girl polite enough to forcefully endorse him, Sirius had a thing for- which was fairly obvious the way he had stared down her ass as she walked off. He actually ended up abandoning the group to follow Janie into the bathroom and invite her back to their table as _his _interest instead.

"Peter," started Tonks in a slight slur, noticing his depressive look, "I think the reason you can't get a girl is because… because you resemble a hobbit. And you just need to wait for a hobbit woman to come and claim you…"

Sirius laughed and shook his head, "It's more like you're a gay woman stuck in a man's body."

Peter scoffed at him and took a drink from the beer bottle in front of him- obviously trying to appear tough and unfazed by their jabs.

"I turn down chicks left and right- you guys just don't pay attention," he tried to convince in a cavalier voice.

Sirius snorted in amusement, "Peter, your chicks are left and right"

As Tonks, Remus, and Janie fell about laughing, Peter stared at Sirius in confusion before his grinning best mate gestured down to Peter's hands.

"Oh…"

"Is this what you do every day- try and pawn your friend off on unsuspecting victims?" Janie questioned in her Australian accent (something that Sirius thought was so, _so _sexy).

"No, this is more like community service. For the sake of everyone around him- Peter _needs_ to get laid," Remus replied.

"So what do you do exactly?" Janie asked, turning back to Sirius.

"Well, I'm currently unemployed, living off my dead uncle's fortune. I'm taking the time to really get in touch with my soul, mind, and body… well mostly my body… and other women's bodies..."

"So you're basically a free-loading man-whore?" Janie inquired with a smirk.

"I prefer to reference it as 'on a quest to find myself," Sirius corrected.

"Sirius, that's really just called being a bum," Tonks commented, "No need to add all that extra hoopla to make you sound smarter."

Sirius laughed sarcastically while flipping her a rude finger. Tonks grinned at him victoriously.

Janie looked at him with raised eyebrows, "You know, most people travel somewhere to look for self discovery… maybe even go to a university for a bit…"

"Hey! I did go to a bit of college outside Hogwarts. Remember Pete! Me and you took those two criminology classes they were offering at the ministry!"

"Criminology classes?" Tonks let out an incredulous laugh, "What were you studying to be? Batman?"

Peter brightened, "Is there really a class for that?"

"For your information," Sirius responded in a logical voice- one he rarely used, "that class was very enlightening. We thought it could be an integral opportunity to a future in that career field. Didn't we Pete?"

Peter's eyebrows furrowed, "But, you said we only went to those because the instructor, Mrs. Statham, was a sexy biatch. And the classes were free with an all you can eat doughnut table."

"That explains why he had such a good time. Attractive married women and pastries- that's hard to pass up."

Sirius raised a mocking brow at Remus before turning back to Janie, "They're just trying to embarrass me, love."

"Al, Frank!" Tonks shouted suddenly as the couple walked up to the table.

"Hey, I figured you guys had to be close by," Alice said to Tonks as Frank shook hands with the guys.

"How'd you suss that?" she asked, taking a drink.

"Do you have any idea who Lily is thrusting pelvises with?"

Sirius smirked and held up a hand, "Can I buy a vowel?"

"Shut up Sirius- Tonks, she's down there with _James Potter_," Alice continued, emphasizing James' name.

Tonks nodded, "I know."

"This means she's drunk," Alice told her zealously as if wanting Tonks to spring into action.

Tonks only laughed, "I can vouch that."

Alice raised an vexed eyebrow, "You know, she would probably want us to stop her before it went any further."

"Alice, she's having a good time. Leave it alone," replied Remus this time, putting an arm around Tonks' waist.

"I have an idea," Sirius announced, "why don't we all go back to our flat and get in a hot tub session? Janie you in?"

"I don't have a swim costume…"

"Perfect," Sirius grinned turning back to the rest of the table, "Cousin? Do you think you can convince the lovebirds here?"

Tonks smiled and turned back to Alice and Frank with a suggestive look.

Alice looked to Frank who also gave her indicative smile.

She nodded, "Okay, I'll go get Lily."

---

**Next chapter, something is created. LEAVE A REVIEW!**


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